Making the Memorial

Morning Again Readers, 

I wrote this to survive the onslaught of grief, sympathy, and well intentioned yet misguided touching that occurs at a memorial. The idea was borrowed from a friend, and the facts check out. I found it to be so helpful for the people that were at the memorial I either didn't recognize or remember, or even the ones I flat out didn't know. 

If you ever find yourself in that situation, I encourage something like this. 

XoXo
BrainyHeroine

1. Please DO NOT ask BrainyHeroine how she is doing or if she is okay. You will not get a positive response, and she will retreat to a safer conversation. Speaking of retreating, did you that Wombats poop cubes so that they can build walls around their burrow, forcing potential predators to retreat? 

2. BrainyHeroine may not want to hug or shake hands. Today is overwhelming and she asks that you respect the rules of bodily autonomy. Just be glad she isn't a male octopus; if she was you would be running a 1 in 8 chance of shaking hands with a penis. 

3. If you'd like to do something for BrainyHeroine and ChemiSecure food is always a good option. They really appreciated when people brought dinner or sent pizza. Additionally, grocery store gift cards are nice as well. They shop at Smith's and Family Dollar. Please coordinate with them privately. Because while BrainyHeroine is a Leo, and in the wild female lions do 90% of the hunting, she's exhausted. 

4. If you'd like to make donations to honor her mother's memory, please make them to a local theatre, or pay if forward at Starbucks. Also, when a hippo sweats, the sweat is pink! 

5. Please make tonight as happy as you can. Share funny stories, random memories, motivational Skeletor memes, anything you have that's happy. Please do not say you're sorry, BrainyHeroine is fully aware of how sorry everyone is and can't fully appreciate or process it in public. Like a chameleon, she will blend into the background to avoid uncomfortable situations or repeated expressions of sympathy. 

All kidding aside, BrainyHeroine and ChemiSecure are appreciatetive to those who have reached out, done something, and just want everyone to have fun tonight in remembrance of both her parents. It truly is what they want. 

New Emotions & New Goals

Morning Readers,

A while back I posted about moving Lit Goals away from just reviews and more towards actual literacy; keeping with that I'd like to let you in on my newest project. Emotional Literacy During Grief.

Emotional Literacy is a term that is used to describe one's ability to understand and express feelings. It involves a self-awareness and recognition of how you feel, and how you're able to manage those feelings.

On March 6, 2017 my father died. I've written about that and about the books I read during that time to try and understand what I was feeling, how I should have been feeling, but mainly about how I wanted to escape those feelings. 345 days later, February 14, 2018 my mother died. While her death was less unexpected than my father's, it fucking hurt. Her last 12 days were hard and I'm not over it. Time moves on, and a month and 5 days later I'm in a better place to talk about it. Her memorial was last week, my father has been dead for a year. These are facts and dates on a calendar, but they're also carved into me. My calendars still say it's February, because somehow not changing them is giving me a foothold to cling to.

Which brings us to the newest goal, Emotional Literacy During Grief. ELDG. When my father died I read a handful of books, and then mainly started reading fairy tale re-tellings because escapism was a real thing and I had a dying mother to care for. This time around I can't escape from anything because escape for me implies a certain level of "hey, this thing happened and continues to happen." This time around I went a little crazy buying books, and they're geared towards helping me process what I'm feeling.

The list from before includes:
- Thanks, Dad
- The Once and Future King
- H is for Hawk
- Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
- Every Last Word
- The Last Lecture

And my list now includes:
- It's Okay That You're Not Okay
- Grief Works
- Modern Loss
- Dead People Suck
- My Father's Wake
- From Here to Eternity
- The Dead Moms Club
- It's Okay to Laugh (Crying is Okay Too)
- How to Survive the Loss of a Parent
- The Orphaned Adult

I'm currently reading The Dead Moms Club by Kate Spencer. She was 27 when she lost her mother to cancer, I'll be 27 this August, I lost my mother to cancer, and on page 11 she brought up this stupid blue book "Gone From My Sight" that you get when hospice care starts, and I kid you not I finally felt like someone got it. I got that stupid blue book three times and set one of them on fire.

I'll be spending the next while reading and sorting through emotions. And then reading to find some happiness.

Until next time,

XoXo
BrainyHeroine

Side note, I wrote something amazing to make it through my mother's memorial. I'll post that next.