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Monday, March 19, 2018

Making the Memorial

Morning Again Readers, 

I wrote this to survive the onslaught of grief, sympathy, and well intentioned yet misguided touching that occurs at a memorial. The idea was borrowed from a friend, and the facts check out. I found it to be so helpful for the people that were at the memorial I either didn't recognize or remember, or even the ones I flat out didn't know. 

If you ever find yourself in that situation, I encourage something like this. 


1. Please DO NOT ask BrainyHeroine how she is doing or if she is okay. You will not get a positive response, and she will retreat to a safer conversation. Speaking of retreating, did you that Wombats poop cubes so that they can build walls around their burrow, forcing potential predators to retreat? 

2. BrainyHeroine may not want to hug or shake hands. Today is overwhelming and she asks that you respect the rules of bodily autonomy. Just be glad she isn't a male octopus; if she was you would be running a 1 in 8 chance of shaking hands with a penis. 

3. If you'd like to do something for BrainyHeroine and ChemiSecure food is always a good option. They really appreciated when people brought dinner or sent pizza. Additionally, grocery store gift cards are nice as well. They shop at Smith's and Family Dollar. Please coordinate with them privately. Because while BrainyHeroine is a Leo, and in the wild female lions do 90% of the hunting, she's exhausted. 

4. If you'd like to make donations to honor her mother's memory, please make them to a local theatre, or pay if forward at Starbucks. Also, when a hippo sweats, the sweat is pink! 

5. Please make tonight as happy as you can. Share funny stories, random memories, motivational Skeletor memes, anything you have that's happy. Please do not say you're sorry, BrainyHeroine is fully aware of how sorry everyone is and can't fully appreciate or process it in public. Like a chameleon, she will blend into the background to avoid uncomfortable situations or repeated expressions of sympathy. 

All kidding aside, BrainyHeroine and ChemiSecure are appreciatetive to those who have reached out, done something, and just want everyone to have fun tonight in remembrance of both her parents. It truly is what they want. 

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